Movie news and film reviews from the caviar-squirting lunatic who brought you salmonbits.com.


Mongol (2007)

Leave it to the Russians to make a stupid movie. The problem here wasn’t the acting or the cinematography, both were top notch. But the plot itself was slow and contrived.

Temudjin (Tadanobu Asano) rises to power in medieval Mongolia.

There. Done. That’s it. You’ve seen the movie.

Every time there is about to be an epic battle of defining moment, the screen goes black and the next segment starts up with the protagonist magically victorious/healed/problem-solved/what have you.

In one scene it is implied that a wolf gets him out of stocks. In another he is shot directly in the spine with an arrow and the screen fades to black and then we see him walking around laughing with his friend. WTF?

In an epic battle against his ‘brother’ who outnumbers him nearly 10 to 1, a storm covers the field and his enemies are all afraid of thunder so he wins. Wow. Fuck this movie.

But, honorable mention: skull crushing scene. I flinched. Cool.

Waste your time on IMDB.com.